2 Weeks and a Wicked Vaca

I started writing this blog post a few days ago, got distracted by who-knows-what and forgot to return. It's a pleasure knowing that I'm being distracted though, it kind of makes me feel like I'm living a normal life again. I've struggled through the culture shock of living in a foreign country and now I'm just living an every-day life again. Well, I mean, I'm still a gringa in Latin American and there will always be things that make me cock my head and curiously wonder what the heck I just saw, but at least my emotions are planning out. Planning? Kind of like a plain. Flat lined. Should it be plained? I don't know. But anyway I don't often feel the urge to break out in tears from the home sickness, I don't find myself criticizing the way Colombians do or don't do things, and I don't have the super highs and super lows that I experienced the first few months here. So yeah, I think this is home for a while.

Finding myself in a "home" also means that I get to go on "vacation". Since I live in Colombia and not in Michigan anymore, this also means that I get super sweet vacations on steroids for about 1/2 the price as I could in the United States. Perk of the life style I'm living I guess. I just came back from a vacation such as this. The other foreign teachers and I went to a small town on the Pacific coast. I wasn't sure what to expect, but these are some of the things I experienced:

...wait, before I continue I just want to clarify something for my mother back home...everything we did was surrounded by thought and precaution against dangers. Some of these stories may lead to to think otherwise, but really we never found ourselves in danger-some circumstances.

So here we go:

(1) The trip to El Valle (the town) took quite a toll on my brain. We left Pereira at 9:30 PM after a full day of teaching, cleaning, packing etc. The bus ride took 5 hours and we arrived in another city around 3:00 AM. Our plane didn't leave that city until 8:00 AM that morning so we crashed in the bus terminal. Of course we all didn't sleep at once and I took guard of our luggage first while my companions crashed. It was quite entertaining watching them struggle for sleep. Steve eventually passed out and a cockroach was crawling around him. Sick.  Eventually it was my turn to sleep but that turned into a grimacing 30 minutes of struggling with the chill in the air and the lack of comfort at a cafe table. Time passed surprisingly quickly though and soon we crossed the street to the airport. Quite convenient if you ask me. We checked in, went through security, and waited for our 8:00 departure. 8 turned to 9 without explanation. 9 turned to 10. 10 turned to 11. I didn't really pay much attention. I was suffering from sleep deprivation and every time I closed my eyes I felt a release into a world void of problems. My traveling buddies were getting anxious though. The only thing we were told was, "No, don't worry, you'll leave in a little bit." Colombians view time in an interesting matter. "A little bit" could probably mean "day" if they wanted it to. Luckily for us it only meant waiting a few hours. So, we finally got to board our plane. Ha! It was this dinky little puddle jumper in which I could lean into the aisle and see into the cock-pit. It was fascinating watching the pilot and her first hand man flipping switches and getting us ready to go. At take off it was even cooler watching the runway ahead of us. Maybe it was pretty awesome, but it was also kind of nerve wrecking. Who knows if this plane was up to regulation. Thankful for my exhaustion I didn't dwell too much on that fact and passed out.  I was opening my eyes as we landed on a dirt runway in the middle of the jungle. I felt like I was a world away. It could have been Africa. After arriving we gathered our luggage, jumped in a mototaxi and were taken to El Valle. Boom. We made it!

(2) The stay in El Valle wasn't really in the town. We booked nights at a hostel but didn't realize how far away it was. Soon the mototaxi turned off the main drag and onto the beach. Really? We were cruising down the beach for a while when we came to a river that was uncrossable.  Here we go, we had to walk the rest of the way. Under normal circumstances this wouldn't be a problem, but I had packed a rolling suitcase. Rolling suitcases on sand do not mix. Again, really? I didn't think that one through much. We finally made it to the hostel though and were in for a surprise.

(3) Humback Turtle: We stayed in a dorm room at a hostel that was basically a jungle hut. Although we had running water and electricity, all the walkways were dirt and the bathrooms were outhouses. It was all worth it though because it was situated right on the ocean. The drone of the waves, the smell of salt water, the view of the sunset over the ocean from the balcony of the hostel. We were in Paradise.

(4)  The town itself was made of dirt roads, a few little diners, houses here and here,  fishermen galore  and a world of people sitting outside passing the day. What a simple life. It was beautiful.

(5) Snorkeling: I've never gone snorkeling before, but let me tell you it is one of the coolest things I've ever done. Getting to that point took a little convincing though. We waded into the water from shore and popped our heads in the water. Jellyfish. Jellyfish. More jellyfish. They were startlingly beautiful but also terrifyling dangerous. I've been stung by a jellyfish before and it is not pleasant. There was no way I'd swim through their barricade to go look at fish. No way. Not happening. Our guide, who was about 100 yards away up at a hut on the shore kept motioning us to get in. He just didn't understand, did he? Every once in a while one of us would scream as a jelly approached and he would motion again to get in. Gah. No way. Eventually he came over to us and told us they weren't dangerous. Bro. I've been stung before. Not cool. He kept at it. Was he really trying to convince us? Then he did the unthinkable, he swooped his hands in the water and scooped up a jelly. Bare hands. What?! My mind was blown. Apparently these ones weren't the stinging variety. We just hadn't understood, had we?

(6) One of the highlights of the trip for me was not wearing makeup, not caring what I wore, and living in a bathing suit. The bliss of all that cannot be explained. If you're a women, maybe you understand.

(7) While on the trip I also felt like I slipped through the cracks of civilization into a more simple life. My cell phone didn't work, I couldn't access the internet, and I had no plans or commitments. Ah! Even returning there in my mind brings me close to that point of peace that is nearly impossible to reach in real life.

...So, I have a slight problem. I have the desire to keep writing and writing but I'm back to real life and the preoccupations of work are pulling me from the screen. Maybe this will be a 2 or 3 day post. Spreading it out, re-living the adventure-sounds like a plan to me. Besides, it has been more than 2 weeks since I've written anything ...can I blame it on my wicked vaca?

....vaca is short for vacation and should not be confused with the Spanish word for cow.

Forehead...yeah, I meant Forehead

One joy of teaching in Colombia is experiencing students learning English. I would consider all of my students fluent in the sense that they understand nearly everything (maybe missing a few new words here and there) and can communicate anything they want (again, maybe missing a few words.) However, what I thoroughly enjoy is when they say something and don't realize what it means until after it comes out.

An example might help capture this:

On my desk I have a cat calendar. Yes, every day I am a little more cat-lady-like. Well, one of my kids was looking through the pictures and came to a picture of those fur-less rat-cats. Okay, they aren't rats but this breed of cat reminds me of a rat. Google "sphynx cat" and you'll get the picture. So my kiddo saw that picture and he excitedly told me that he has one of those cats. Really? Weird. What does it feel like when you pet it? Is it soft? This is when another kid reaches his hand to my forehead and  pipes up, "It feels like when you pet your foreskin." Pause. Pause. Pause.

He then realized what he said and started dying laughing. I couldn't contain myself either. We just laughed and laughed. "No mease, I meant forehead!!!"

Yes. I'm still sitting here smiling thinking about his blunder. Haha. Forhead...

Women's Day

If there is one thing I've learned about Colombians, it's that they love to celebrate holidays. I swear there is something every week. And it's not like how us United Statesians (the word "American" encompasses Colombians too...so I needed to clarify? Spanish has a word for it, so I made it English. Maybe I should just say estadounidenseTION...if you've followed my blogs, I hope that makes you smile...well, where was I? ha!)  ....so it's not like us United Statesians celebrate. Colombians like to go all out. In school that means days devoted to activities, assemblies, snacks, clowns (yes...clowns), gift exchanges, etc. With that being said, today is "Women's Day": a day specifically devoted to women. My male students were complaining that there isn't a "Male's Day"...the response? The other 364 days of the year are devoted to them! Ha!

My Women's Day started out fantastic. Per usually, I went to my favorite little restaurant for my Friday morning breakfast. The 2 servers (Andres and Jorge) are basically my friends by now. We always talk and with Andres I even exchange the typical greeting of a kiss on the cheek. Well today Andres came specifically over to my and Emily's table, graciously greeted us, and wished us a wonderful women's day. Not only did he wish us a wonderful women's day, but it was in English. He was like a nervous school boy but it was the sweetest thing!  A few moments later, Jorge arrived at our table with chocolates for Emily and I and wished us a happy Women's day. He's is a lot more shy than Andres, so it was just special. Emily and I were flattered. Happy Women's Day!

At school it just got better. The first student that saw me (he's not even my student), came up to me, wished me a happy women's day, kissed me on the cheek and then continued on. What a cutie! (he is a 7th grader). Throughout the morning students stopped in with the sole purpose of wishing me a happy women's day - just the little things make one feel special. Happy Women's Day!

One of the male teachers also brought all the female teachers breakfast. He made a lovely sign that said Happy Women's Day. Again, I just feel special being a woman. Happy Women's Day!

Later on today the Women will be given a special lunch and there will be a program for all women to attend. From 11:30-1:00 we will forego all of our responsibilities and relax. And what about the male students? Oh, no worries, the male teachers have that under control. How sweet. Happy Women's Day!

So Colombia has a million holidays. Today I'm appreciating it and soaking it in! Happy Women's Day!

Attention Grabber

This Friday marks my 7th month living in Colombia. Every once in a while it still hits me: Leanne, you live in Colombia. I will close my eyes and imagine a map. Yes, I live in the southern hemisphere. Wow. It's surreal to think about and yet sometimes it seems so normal. I never imagined living here would feel normal. There are faces that I recognize, walking routes I'm familiar with and cultural norms that I'm aware of. This is my current home.

Even though I acknowledge this as home, there are certain things that will always grab my attention. My inner gringa will forever be on alert and no matter how long I'm here, I'm certain certain things will catch my eye. This post is dedicated to these such things.

1)Random horses walking down the middle of the road: I live in a city with over half a million people. It is developed. There is cement everywhere. Walking down a deserted street at 6:00 AM on my way to breakfast and I see a horse walking towards me. No bridle. No saddle. No owner. Now that's an attention grabber.

2) Public make-out session: couples here enjoy expressing their "passion". In public. It's just awkward to me. I  don't care how long I've been here, it will never seem okay to me. I can't help but do a double take when I walk into a cafe and see 2 people heavily involved with one another. Come on people.

3)High heel shoes and plastic boobs: No matter how many pairs I've seen, it seems there are always bigger or more colorful ones out there. It just seems so unnatural.

4) Being stared at: No, I am not from here. Yes, I am a gringa. That doesn't give you permission to stare at me like I'm an alien. Can't I just blend in for once in my life? I will always be aware of the intensity of their stares.

5) Monos: In Colombian Spanish they call people with light features (light skin/hair) monos. This literally means monkey. there are so many people with dark features that when I see someone with light features my eyes are immediately drawn to them. I knew that Colombians were prone to do this but I never imaged I would fall into this too. But alas, monos grab my attention.

6) English: In my city I don't hear a lot of English. It is rare to come by, so when I do it immediately stands out. What?! You know my language too. I just want to go hug that person. I'll just call it my gringo radar.

7) The man selling aguacate: I cannot tune out his voice. "Aaaaa - Guuuuuaaaa - Catttayyyy". There are several that walk throughout the city selling avocado and they have the exact same loud bellow of the word. If I could insert a sound clip I would. I could probably mimic it myself. Maybe I'll change my day job.

8) Homeless people: I'm not certain I'll ever become "desensitized" to the number of people who live on the streets. It breaks my heart and it's impossible to ignore. It's hard knowing how to process it though and thinking about what I could possibly to do help does nothing. It seems hopeless and it's something I cannot get used to.

9) Hand holding: When I see a teenager holding hands with their mom/dad I can't help but stare. I think about teenagers in the United States and the idea of them holding their parents hands just makes me laugh. They wouldn't be caught dead doing that in a million years. And yet here I see mom strolling hand in hand with their teens. Girls hanging on their fathers arms. I even once saw a teenage boy holding hand with his mom while walking with his arm what appeared to be his girlfriend. What? Ha!  Attention grabber.

10) Men releaving themselves where/when they need to: It is not uncommon to come across a boy, man, or old man peeing in public. I guess it is acceptable? This is just confusing to me and always causes the side-ways-head-tilt that accompanies the though: Really bro? Really? 

So there we have it: 10 things that will never seem "normal" to me and will always strike me as interesting.

The Rules of the Road

I had an interesting conversation with one of the other gringos last night walking home from the bus stop. We had crossed the road half-way and were waiting for a break in traffic to complete our trek to the other side when the diaglogue began. It was intiated after 3 or 4 cars passed in front of us, completely blowing off the stop sign in the middle of the road. And there we took up the topic of traffic rules in Colombia. The following is what we decided:

1) First of all, it seems that all traffic signs are merely suggestions. Speed limit? Never inforced. Stop signs? Possible cause for slowing down. Street signs? I'm not certain they even exist.

2) One-Way streets aren't necesarrily one way streets. If the one-way street happens to be the shortest distance from a location, a taxi driver will usually take it. Even if this means driving the wrong way. I've seen regular vehicles do this too.

3) The double yellow line signifying no passing zones are ingored. To my great fear I've been on several busses winding up mountains that decide to pass. There is NO way the driver can see around the corner, but it doesn't matter. The semi truck in front of us was just going to slow. At least the bus is fairly large, so when we have a head on collision I have a high chance of surviving?

4) People with motorcycles do what they want: weave to the front of a line of cars in traffic; drive on sidewalks; ride with babies on their laps; speed through heavily populated areas; Really anything....interestingly enough, however, they all wear helmets. Helmets must make you invincible.

5) If you're sitting in the front seat you have to wear a seatbelt. They are pretty insistant about this one too. Maybe this is the only rule they inforce?

6) Speed bumps are everywhere. I ride a bus every day to school and these blasted speed bumps cause fierce application of the brakes followed by a brief moment of slowing down and then a surge forward. This is a recipe for a headache/nauea

So these, my friends, are the rules of the road...or at least what 2 gringos were able to deduce while standing in the middle of the street waiting to make our move across.

Now that's a bad day

We've all complained about having bad days. You know, the ones where everything that can go wrong does? Well, just saying, I think my little kitten has tipped the scales and is in the running for the worst day ever.

This morning she's running around like a playful kitten. No big deal. Ignorance is bliss. I smile the long sad smiling of knowledge as I consider the long road ahead of her. Today is the day she is getting spayed. It is neat to think about pets having no ability to stress over something in the future. Interesting. Anyway, so I'm getting ready for work and she's having a grand old time. Maybe she's a little hungry (she can't eat/drink) but I can't tell. Pretty soon I get the cat carrier out. This moving jail cell is not her favorite. I can't even say she likes it a little bit. The moment I lock her inside she starts the meow. Meooooow. Meoooooow. Okay, Amguita, I know it's not fun but you've got to go.

Not only is she shoved into a cage, the weather is not cooperating with me this morning. Cats don't like water. It doesn't matter. In the bath, in the sink, or falling from the sky like flaming daggers. Amiguita can hear the rain battering down and her bellowing intensifies. I'm calling a taxi. Meoooow. Meeoooow.

The taxi arrives and I sprint to the back seat. As I jumped in the car clutching my cat carrier I realize Amiguita has never been in a car before. Great. I hope she doesn't get motion sickness. Please don't vomit. All throughout these thoughts I hear the background bleating: meeeeow. Meooooow. Meeeeeeeoooooow. You'd think she's dying.

So before going to the vet, I ask the taxi driver to take me to my friend Emily's apartment. Emily is the proud owner of Amiguita's sister Mona. It is a day for sister bonding - both of them loosing their sex on the same day! Ha! I ask the kind taxi driver to wait for me as I run up to Emily's apartment with my cat carrier. Emily doesn't have a way to transport her cat, so she asked me to bring my carrier over. Sure. Through the rain. Into the building. Up the elevator. All along: Meoooow. Meoow. When I finally set Amiguita down on the table she immediately goes silent. Safety? Not quite. Before she knows what is going on, Emily opens up the carrier and tosses in Mona. The hissing fit begins. Both cats spatting and instantly separated: one cat at the front of the carrier, one cat smashed up against the back. I guess they don't remember each other.

There we have Ami's stressful morning. From here it just gets worse. At vets she gets analyzed, put under anesthetics, cut open, and her reproductive structures are taken out. Bad day. At least she's not meowing anymore. When I came to pick her up, she was covered in blood. The vet took one look and explained that the place where they gave her an IV had opened up and that she'd go clean it out. She picked up Ami by the scruff of the neck and carried her off. My pour little girl with 25% coherence gets rinsed off. Man did that wrench my heart.

When it was time to take her home, I placed her back in her cat carrier. My silent, groggy Amiguita didn't protest. I wanted to get her home as quickly as possible. I could feel her shaking in the carrier and I knew she was stressed. We made it to my apartment in record time and I decided to take the elevator. I didn't want to bump Ami around anymore than I needed to. Into the elevator. There was this awful buzzing noise and all I could think about was how Amiguita would perceive that. Still 50% under anesthetics and there is this bzzzzzz. Bad day. I pushed the button for the fourth floor and the buzzing turned into a squealing. Then as quickly as it had started, it stopped. So did all function of the elevator. I pressed every single button. Nothing. Door open button? Nothing. Door close button? Nothing. There was a picture with an alarm on it, so I hit that one. Blllllrrrrrrinng. Ah! I don't like that. The final button was a picture of a phone. I hit it and I could hear Elvin my portero: Proteria. How can I help you? Now is when my vocabulary fails me...um...ummm...Elvin, I'm in the elevator. It's not functioning. He responded: I can't hear you, speak up. I'm yelling at this point and then it's silent. I peer into my cat carrier at my little girl, consider the inopportune timing, and laugh. Really? I'm really stuck in an elevator right now? Ha! I just couldn't stop giggling. I knew they'd get me out at some point.

A few minutes pass and all the lights go out in the elevator. It's pitch black and my mind flicks to horror films. Come on Leanne. Not now. Before I have time to imagine more the lights come on and the door opens. Wooo hooo!! Once again my Portero saved the day. He comes running up to me to make sure I'm okay. Everything is fine, I assure him. No problem, it was just bad luck. I decide to take the stairs and haul Amiguita up the 4 flights. I'm breathing hard at this point, but I just want to get my little girl home. Whew. We made it.

But the day isn't over for Ami. I open the cat carrier and she tried to come out. Fail. Her little legs just aren't working quite yet. I help her onto a blanket and she lies there for a while. Her eyelids are half open and every once in a while she tries to move. I smile the sad smile and sigh: Ami, I'd say it's been a pretty rough day!

My Colombian Children

I've decided just now as I've sat down to write that I will now refer to my students as my "Colombian children". On one hand it makes me sound like some humanitarian helping poor kids in Latin America. The other hand portrays the real picture: their not poor and destitute (actually quite the opposite), I just really like them. So yeah, I have 60+ Colombian children. If I told them their new name I can already hear their whiney response, "Mease. You can't call us your children. You are too young." Oh well, they'll just never know!

Well, my Colombian children are enough to make me crazy sometimes. One reason is the cultural difference of personal space. As a North American, I value my personal space. For those of you that know me, you can attest that my bubble is a lot smaller than most people from the United States - BUT my bubble is still there. I'm of the strong opinion that Colombians just don't have space bubbles or maybe they just don't respect them. Case in point: standing at my desk when the bell rings I immediately have 3 children standing within 3 fingers of my body. I move to the left a little to give myself more space and they naturally move with me. I'm pretty certain they don't even realize this. So I move a little more. They follow. I move - they move - I move - they move. And before we all know it, I'm standing at the door and they are still close enough to count my eyelashes. Sometimes it makes me claustrophobic. Especially with my taller kids. Last week 3 boys were standing around me harassing me about some homework assignment. All 3 of them are at least 5 inches taller than me. I was surrounded. Thankfully the bell rang and they departed. The truth of being saved by the bell!

One of my fellow North American teachers can't handle the closeness of students. His 7th graders suffocate him. His response? He took a roll of masking tape and made a box around his desk. No one is permitted into the box without permission. And if some kid happens to make it into the box without asking? Oh, this teacher will just stare at the students feet until they take a few steps back and respect the box.  Even though his personal bubble has been popped in Colombia, he has more than made up for it with his box of tape. I haven't gotten to that point yet.

Another thing about my Colombian children: they love to touch. It is not uncommon to find a students hand resting on my arm/shoulder while they are talking to me. That really isn't much of a big deal to me. I am a "toucher" by nature anyways. It helps me show people I care. What IS the problem with their touching is that they also are always touching each other. Poking. Messing around. Celebrating. You name it and they are touching. About 7 times each period you can here me say: No touching. Khaleb, stop touching. Sebastian, why are you touching Felipe. Carolina: no touching. At least they aren't violent. They just like physical contact. I think it's fair to blame it on culture though. Colombians are touchers. Males always shake hands when they greet each other and females (with females or with males) always greet each other by touching cheeks and making a kissing noise. There is so much to be said with the cultural norms of greetings. I'll save a later post for that.

So yeah, my Colombian children. They drive me up the walls sometime, but I certainly adore them...and I think they know it too!