My Colombian Names

I'm not just Leanne here. Colombia has given me a handful of new names. It makes me smile as individuals claim the liberty of re-naming me. Sometimes mistakenly, other times because my name is so hard to pronounce, and then the few who call me something because they don't know my real name. No matter the reason, I'm left with multiple identities.

"Mease": This student designated name is enough to drive me crazy. It is used upwards to one hundred times a work week. This is not an exageration.  It doesn't seem so bad written down, but when the whiny tone brings it to life, this address brings a shiver down my back. MEEEEEEEAAASE.  Usually this name is put to rest on the weekends, but every so often a student will see me out-and-about and to my horror the name is resurrected.

"Measter": Yes. I am called mister a handful of times a day. My response, "We need to do a lesson on human anatomy."  ...this links back to the student laziness in using proper english. Maybe that will be the next error I attack.

"Mease Lean": This is another student designated name, but only amongst a sprinkling of beloved 11th graders. I don't really know why or how, but my named morphed into this. Maybe it's easier to pronounce. Maybe they just wanted to give me a nick name. I kind of like it. But only when those 11th graders use it.

"Leannecita": In Spanish when you at "-ita" or "-ito" to the end of something it makes it little or cute. For example, my cat is a "gato" but when I refer to her she is always my "gatito". It also can mark endearment. I have a student, Simon, who has started referring to me as Leannecita. Am I little, cute or endeared? Without knowing, I've lashed back: he is officially Simoncito.

"Niña": This name means girl. If I greet someone walking down the street that appears older than me, I am frequently "niña". It makes me smile and feel youthful. Yes!!! I guess 24 really isn't THAT old. Ha! Even now the name gives me the empowerment and giddiness of girlhood.

"Senora": Then there is the flip side of the coin. On my typical walk from my apartment to the grocery store or my favorite cafe, I pass this little corner store and know all the delivery boys (probably between the ages of 16-22) by friendly recognition. To them I am "senora" - the old lady. Ugh. Okay, it's also a term of respect, but really guys, you're compiling the years onto me as quickly as I'm drinking from the "niña" fountain of youth. Reality sinks in, maybe 24 is closer to 30 than I'd like to admit.

"Reina": Last but not least is the all to familiar name: queen (and sometimes princess). Men here are quick to use these names for unknown unnamed females. Taxi drivers, store clerks, gym trainers, bus drivers, maintenance workers, etc. Initially it made me recoil, but I quickly realized the innocence in the names. They are used for every woman, regardless of age/beauty/clothing/anything and Colombian women expect to be addressed as such. Therefore I've learned to embrace it. While I'm here I might as well get used to it.

Let me explainyou

On Thursday, before leaving work, I wrote in bold, capital letters on the top of my white-board, "I will not explainyou that. -Love, Leanne."

You might think I have made a typo. Maybe you're thinking the lack of space between explain and you is a key-stroke error. Or perhaps you think I forgot the little "to" and scrambled my words. Instead what I really wrote on my board was, "I will not explain that to you." Both are wrong suppositions.

I wrote in bold, capital letters on the top of my white-board, "I will not explainyou that. -Love, Leanne."

The reason: Lovingly mocking my kiddos repetitive English mistake (hence the "Love, Leanne".) Every day I'm bombarded with ,"Will you explainme how such-and-such works?" "Will you explainme why I got that wrong?" "Will you explainme why I'm failing English?" ....my new response - I just point to the top of my board. Friday, some looked at me confused, then the light bulb clicks, "Ohhhhhh, will you explain TO me ..." There we go buddy. I'd love nothing more than to help out. Their blunder makes sense though. In Spanish you just stick the indirect pronoun onto the verb. "ExplicaME" (explain to me) is how they ask to have something explained. But it doesn't work like that in English and it's painful that they are too lazy to create a grammatically correct sentence. So now, I'm enforcing it. I will not explainyou anything.

There are several more examples of lazy translating errors that my kids make. Instead of functioning in English, most of them are still at a stage where they think the sentence in Spanish and then translate it as they go. This works for some instances, but for the exceptions, they don't bother speaking correctly and it drives me bonkers.  Maybe you think that's unreasonable, "Come on Leanne, English is their second language." I'll give you that, but they've been in a bi-lingual school learning and having half of their classes taught in English since 2nd grade. They are now 9th, 10th, and 12th graders and should have a strong grasp of the language. And it's not that they don't, it's that the majority are just too lazy to correct common mistakes. They are content with being understood as opposed to mastery of the language. My first year, I was content with that too and maybe even impressed, but now I'm not. I hold them to much higher standards of English. I correct them. I poke fun at them. I point to the board.

After explainme, the top 3 contenders that evoke a cringe and then a reaction:

1: Starting sentences with "It's that..." :  A kid walks in late and I look at him. He exclaims, "It's that I had to go to the bathroom." A girl comes up to my desk 5 minutes before the bell rings, "It's that I have to go to lunch early today." A boy stands up and walks toward the door, I ask him what he's doing, "It's that I have to sharpen my pencil."  It's not that these sentences are terribly wrong, but you wouldn't catch a native English speaker saying that.  I explain that to them over and over again. It doesn't sink in. Why? Because that's okay in Spanish and quite common. "Es que" + rest of the sentence = okay. Since I've started calling my students out and not letting them start with "It's that" I've noticed how much in Spanish I hear that phrase. So much so, that I've actually picked up the habit when I'm speaking Spanish. At the supermarket I'm looking for weights, I walk up to an employee, "ES QUE estoy buscando pesos." My Spanish is a touch more Colombian! But, it's that I need to explainyou two more errors.

2. Presenting a test: 9 times out of 10 when a student is absent on a test day, they will come up to me the next day, "It's that I was absent for the test.  When can I present it?" Two strikes against you kiddo. But now we're focusing on the verb "present". In Spanish you "presentar" a test. In English you don't. It's that, you TAKE a test. I will not explainyou and you cannot present the test.

3. Losing and winning tests: Kiddo turns in his test, "I think I'm going to lose the test." Oh really? You just handed it to me, you can't lose it when it's in my hands. I think you mean you're going to fail the test. If it were English, that might be so. In Spanish you lose and win tests. In English you pass or fail. The kids know this, but don't take the time to change it. Let me explainyou something, it's that as long as you talk like that you'll lose every test you present.

So there you have the top 4 errors I hear and correct over 50 times a week. I'm not exaggerating. You know, these are small details and I'm not giving my kids credit for how much they do know, BUT these matter. These little things are the distinguishing factors between fluency and mere communicative language skills. I'd be doing a disservice to them if I didn't call them out.

Now I'm in full out war against these top 4. Once they've been mastered, I'll move on to the next 4.

Let me explainyou, it's that if we work in baby steps they may not even realize that their habits change! Goal.

Because Yes

Twelve.

The number of days we sing about each year at Christmastime. But, if I'm being honest here, I'm not really concerned about that anymore.Christmas has come and gone. And I have gone and come. Ha. What a sentence. What I mean is I have left Colombia and have come back.  I've been back for 12 days now. Nearly two weeks and my readjustment period is coming to a close. This time around it's been a little bumpier and has lingered a little longer. The things I had become accustomed to here pre-vacation kind of just smacked me in the face all over again. And I laugh. Oh Colombia. How I love to dawdle in my gringa-ness all over again.

A voice of reason has minimal influence here. I've been reminded of that several times. For example, I could easily see this happening: Steve and I go out to a sandwich place for lunch. The special is a ham and cheese sandwich for $6,900.  I ask for mine without cheese. When I get my bill it's for $8,500. Confused, I ask the cashier about the special. "No, that's for the ham and cheese." Yes, I understand that. I ordered that but didn't want cheese. "Well that's a ham sandwich, so it's $8,500." We go back and forth, I give up, pay and leave.  I guess taking cheese off costs more than putting it on. There are many things like this that just don't make sense. But in all forms of lack of reason it's easy to shrug it off and remember: Oh yeah, I live in Colombia. That seems a good way to close a paragraph, but I want to add one more tidbit: the "because yes." When challenged with a "why?" my kiddos frequently respond, "Because yes." Ha! Of course that's excellent reasoning. The nonsense reverberates through the youth as well.

Along this line, being back has taken a toll on my English. I spend approximately 5 hours a day hanging out with teenagers who don't speak English well. It rubs off on me after a while. Running into class as the bell rang, one student slipped into another persons seat. The poor victim was left without a chair and they both knew they'd get a tardy. I quizzically looked at the offender, "You can't steal him the seat and expect not to get a tardy." Steal him the seat? Wow Leanne. And that just scratches the surface.

Another wow: While being home I forgot how incredible my staff members are. The first day being back at school we all showered each other with hugs, kisses, and lots of Spanglish chit-chat. This is followed by playful jest and messing around during meetings. This comradery at work is what keeps me going.

What else keeps me going? My lovely kitty-cat who is just a little quirkier than I remember. I talk to her. She keeps me company. We've developed quite a relationship. She's weird though. Allow me to expound. My parents have taught me a heck of a lot about life. One that's pretty high up on that list is drying off before getting out of the shower (thank you Scott!). So I turn the shower off, open the door, grab my towel, and in saunters Ami. I dangle the towel in front of her a few times and she bats at it. Kinda cute. Then she proceeds to bite it and play tug of war with me. If I give her any slack she'll go ahead and just carry the towel into the bedroom like it's her stuffed animal or something. This happens frequently.  Kitten, you are weird. Perhaps weirder than when I left you a month ago. But it makes me smile.

More readjustment. Hearing Spanish everywhere. I was chilling at a cafe sipping coffee and overheard the couple sitting next to me speaking in Spanish. "Woah! Spanish, I wonder what they're saying....o wait. You're back in Spanish land." The brain is slowly switching back to living in this place.

I suppose I could go on and on. Things are just much more different than I remembered them ever being since arriving. Not that it's bad. It's kind of fun re-experiencing Colombia. I'll leave it at that for now. Why?  You might ask. Because yes.

...and I'm a tired pumpkin ready for some shut-eye. This teaching thing is a lot harder than I remember too!

Silly (and not so silly) Things to Look Forward To

Last night I was awake in the wee hours of the morning. Not that I would stay up that late on a school night, but my body has been doing this strange thing for the past few nights: the three/four hour cycle. I go to bed at a reasonable time but then 3-4 hours after falling asleep I ping awake. It's not my bladder gradually easing me out of sleep pleading for the bathroom. It's more that my mind is done sleeping; it needs a break from whatever craziness it's been doing during my time in REM.  So I lay there for what seems forever and then give up on that and get up. I usually cruise facebook for a bit, do something semi-productive and then head back to bed for the remaining 3 hours of my night. Last night my something semi-productive was starting the following list. I was thinking about home and everything I have to look forward too:

1) Burnt toast with natural peanut butter and honey - I don't have a toaster here. I could put bread in the oven to toast, but I don't buy bread. I have peanut butter here but it's not natural. I could buy honey, but I don't even like it. Unless on burnt toast with natural peanut butter. Why this came to me as number one? Your guess is as good as mine.

2) Carpet - I have not set foot on a carpeted floor since July 23. It's been too long.

3) A full sized non-keyboard piano with a stationary sustain peddle - I'm super thankful for the little keyboard I have here in Colombia and really it suits me just fine. But it's not full size. And it doesn't have weighted keys. And the sustain petal likes to travel while I'm playing. Living room + candles + Christmas sheet music + me + my parent's piano (that I like to claim as my own) = awesomeness.

4) Driving - Will I even remember how?

5) SNOW - Snowflakes, snow storms, snowmen, snow shoeing, snow angels, snow balls (being gently thrown at someone), snow tubing, snowsuits, snow days (I can hope for my mum to be home with me,) snowplows, snowboarding (we'll see), snowmobiling (oh wait, I've never gone. lol). Enough said? ....not yet, one last thought. After writing snow so many times, it starts to look funny: SNOW!

6) Cookie scoop - I like making cookies. Partly to eat the dough and partly because I love surprising people at school with treats. What I don't like is sticking my finger in a tablespoon trying to coax the dough out into the designated spot on the pan. The problem is solved with a cookie scoop. Imagine an ice cream scoop but much smaller. Quick easy cookie dough transfer. Oh, and my mom has like 3 different sizes.

7) Being cold - Yes. I am looking forward to being cold. Remind me that when I'm cold, being a baby and I want to complain.

8) Family/friends - Do I even need to say this one? Absolutely. Without a question. This is the greatest. And because it's the Christmas season I will see my family in almost entirety. Yes it will be busy. Yes we will be exhausted. But YES I'm looking forward to it. I also get to spend time with a lot of friends: both in UP and in troll country. Again, lots of traveling and lots of pit-stops. But oh, so worth it.

9) The Wheeler's - So this kind of piggy backs onto the last one, but I get to spend a large chunk of time at my sister's place with her husband/in-laws/animals. This will be epic.

10) Being in my own country. Simple. Straightforward. Honest. (Interesting side thought: This time around it isn't the English language I'm looking forward to. It's more being back in my own culture.)

Ten for now. Perhaps ten more in a few days as I get more and more anxious for my trip home!

Crunch Attack

A few weeks back, a dear friend of mine convinced me that doing crunches before bed is a good idea. I don't particularly like crunches, but it's a little something extra that will make my body stronger. At least I tell myself that. So I've been doing them nearly religiously almost every night. Notice the words "nearly" and "almost". You may criticize redundancy in my writing but it's intentional. I need you to know that I don't REALLY do them every night. Nearly. Almost. Anyway, this habit of mine has bred an interesting habit in my cat.

Let's discuss crunch form. Usually, one lies on their back with knees bent. Then proceeds to pull their body slightly off the ground and return to the lying position. Not me. My crunches coach explained to me that a better workout is to lift your feet of the ground until your calves are parallel to the floor and then crunch from side to side. Left elbow hits right knee. Right elbow hits left knee. Do you have that visual?

So this is where Ami comes in on the first night of crunches. Within 3 seconds of starting she had planted herself at the base of my tailbone. I ignored her and kept going. Well, I ignored her until it happened. She jumped up like a rabies-invested monster and started biting my feet. Remember, this is right before bed so I'm sock-less. Owe. Owe. Owe. Silly cat, you can't eat my feet. Can't you see I'm busy here?

First night - Ami: 1, Leanne: 0

The second night, I'm at it again. Usually when starting a new work-out plan the initial days are easy. So I was on the floor and what do you know, Ami returned to the position of the night before. I started my crunches and she laid there just under my legs. I was suspicious as I remembered the last night's attack, but I kept doing my thing. The faster you get them done the faster it's over. I made it to about 15 when the cat was suddenly in the air and her teeth were sinking into my feet. Well, I'm being a little dramatic, she never punctures the skin, but I could not continue the crunch madness until I shewed her away. What the heck cat?

Second night- Ami: 2, Leanne: 0

Third time with my crunches before bed and my cat nonchalantly lays down. I would not be fooled this night. I permitted her lay there, but kept an unoccupied shoe at my side. As I was crunching away I was watching her. And that's when I caught her. Ami's eyes went crazy and I knew she was going to attack.  I had just enough time to slip the shoe in her direction and touch her belly. The attack focus switched from my leg to the shoe. You'd think she was fighting for her life as she mauled the thing. I laughed and finished my crunches. Not me Ami, not tonight.

Third times the charm - Ami: 2, Leanne: winner winner chicken dinner

I still do my crunches. Ami still lays at my tail bone. The shoe gets attacked. Game over kitten. Game over.

A World of Mad Gabs

Some of my kiddos (okay, I'm being generous...I'll change that to "many of my kiddos") have incredibly thick Spanish accents when they speak in English. In fact, per our school culture, when a student tries to speak English correctly and with as little accent as possible, they get ridiculed by their peers. It's not cool to speak English. Seriously people? You have so much opportunity here with native English speaking teachers and yet you tease each other for trying to sound as native as possible. Something is wrong.

This wrong makes life quite challenging for me at times because I often can't even understand what the kids are saying.

Upon a lack of understanding their statement, my first question is always, "Are you speaking to me in English or Spanish?"  My kids know that I understand Spanish, so sometimes they are lazy and will talk to me in Spanish. Most of the time I understand and make them repeat it in English, but sometimes I can't catch what they are saying in Spanish due to vocabulary, slang, or they are just talking way too fast. So when I can't understand what they said, I first need my brain to be listening for the correct language: Spanish or English. If they respond "Spanish", I ask them to repeat it in English. If they respond "English", I ask them to repeat it anyway.

And now we enter into the world of MadGabs. You know MadGabs right? Phrases containing small words that, when put together, make a different word or phrase (fun fact: these are called "mondegreens"...thank you wikipedia) So when you say them aloud really fast they transform into the key phrase. An example might help: If you say "Up He Such Ease" quickly and out loud, it sounds like "A piece of cheese" ....or it sounds like my students talking.

Student: Meese, last night I put chao in abe odd hull luck oak.
Me: Are you speaking to me in English or Spanish?
Student: English
Me:  Will you repeat it please? ....all the while they are repeating, my mind flips to MadGab mode. What could they possibly be saying?
Student: Meese, last night I put chao in abe odd hull luck oak.
Me: Oooooh, you put chao (a type of mints in Colombia) in a bottle of coke? Cool! What happened?

Okay, MadGabs are challenging (and fun!!!) but my kiddos make it even harder for me. Many times, not only do the kids have funny pronunciations, but they also scramble the words. Where a native English speaker will  ask, "Can I go to the bathroom?", my students will say, "I can go to the bathroom?" If I could understand the words, it wouldn't be a big deal. It just sounds funny. But when they don't pronounce the words, my brain is overworked as it tries to put meaning to the mumbo-jumbo that spews from their mouths.

Student: Meese, eye cat row tip ape airway?
Me: Are you speaking to me in English or Spanish?
Student: English
Me:  Will you repeat that please?
Student: Meese, eye cat row tip ape airway?
Me: Oh, sure. But first, how do you ask me a question?
Student: Canite row tip ape airway?
Me: Yes, quickly. Go through the paper away.

You probably think I'm exaggerating. And maybe I am a bit. But really, I teach in a world of MadGabs.

The Top 10

I was reading about haikus today. Here is what the internet told me. "A traditional Japanese haiku is a three-line poem with seventeen syllables, written in a 5/7/5 syllable count. Often focusing on images from nature, haiku emphasizes simplicity, intensity and directness of expression."

Then I made one:

I used to blog more
When did time pass so quickly?
I have now returned

Ha! What a poet I am. I'm certain this doesn't count as"images from nature" but at least its a "directness of expression." Yeah, I'll go for that.

You have just read my confession. I just don't know where time went. The last time I wrote was September 24th. Exactly one month from today (and 50 days from coming home...but who's counting down?) Maybe that's the problem: consistently living off of count downs. It is my secret love. I think it's the anticipation that gets me. Another problem: staying on track.

So life happenings: a lot has gone on. Most note-worthy? Definitely the trip I took to Colombia's Caribbean coast 2 weeks ago. The best parts are encapsulated by the memories with my travel companions: Emily, Stefan and Madeline.  Every night we would sit in a hostel, a random restaurant, or just chill outside and write a top 10 list for the day. A random receipt or scrap of paper would be our tablet, and away we'd go. Stefan initiated such madness and it turned into a ritual of laughing while pondering the past day. It wasn't always the top 10 best things, but more often the top 10 most note-worthy things. Numbers 1-9 were as a group and number 10 were individual. Pretty sweet if you ask me.  I want to have one last go at a top 10 right now. (Well, I say one last go, but I think I'm going to incorporate this in every trip I take. The daily top 10.)

Here they are: The Top 10 of Vacation ....remember, not top 10 best - just the things that stick out.

#1 Cat attack: Yes. It happened. No. It was not fun. My little Ami couldn't stay at home alone the entire 8 days I was gone, so a friend of mine agreed to kitty-sitting. This friend also happens to have a cat, his name is Andy. Ami and Andy have met before and they definitely didn't hit it off. We figured that was okay though and for the week, my friend would just keep Ami locked in a room. No big deal. If I had brought her to the vet for them to watch, she would have been in a cage. So, the night before we left I brought Ami over there. As I was lugging her in her carrying case to the back bedroom, Andy followed us. Suddenly Ami started spazzing. I wasn't certain a cat could make the sounds that she was making. As I stood there perplexed Andy was overcome by a demon (or so it seemed), pounced on my leg, claws in full action, and sunk his feline canines into my leg. My friend was screaming, I was flailing my leg trying to get the cat off, and all the while Ami was helpless in her cage. It was a disaster.  Andy released and was captured in a giant blanket. I was shaken, but I didn't think it was that bad. Then I looked down; there was blood everywhere. Peeking at my leg for damage I realized this wasn't just a playful scratch. It had been a full out cat attack.

#2 Beach. Every. Single. Day.

Reading. Relaxing. Swimming. Tanning. Exercising. Playing. Laughing. Reading.

Sun screen. Hand stands. Sand castles. Coconut water. Crabs. Sunlight. Naps.  Can I go back?

#3 Hot hot hot: I enjoy warm weather. Actually, I even enjoy hot weather. Some would say there is a limit to how much you can like it. And now I finally agree. Here is a good measuring tool: When eating breakfast does your arm drip sweat? If so, it's a little too hot. Welcome to Cartagena. The second most humid city in the world (I just made that up)

#4 Transportation: Before heading to the coast we bought 2 one-way tickets. One from Pereira to Cartagena and the other for a week later from Santa Marta to Pereira. Our plan? Find a bus to bring us from Cartagena to Santa Marta. We knew it was possible, but a lot of times Colombia doesn't work. I mean, Colombia doesn't work as efficiently as I'd like or function how I would imagine.  So really, we didn't know what to expect. On our last morning in Cartagena we jumped in a taxi and asked the driver to bring us to the bus terminal. He looked at us shocked. Seriously? Apparently the bus terminal was over an hour away. Oops, we didn't expect that one. Well, thankfully he didn't take us there. He inquired about our final destination and when we told him Santa Marta he proceeded to explain where we needed to go instead of the bus terminal. Awesome. Bring us there buddy. Turns out it was a 3 minute taxi ride, we caught the earliest bus out, and before we knew it we were on our way to Santa Marta. Score. Transportation success!

#6 Snorkeling  If you haven't done it. I highly recommend it. Especially if you have the mask and the snorkel. The ability to swim around in the water, seeing everything around you, and not having to come up for air is magical. I couldn't get enough of it!

#7 "Que Pena": This phrase translates directly to "How embarrassing ". In Colombia it's a little different.  In Colombia, it's used for "sorry". Not in a sense of genuine remorse, but more out of habit. You run into someone? "Que pena". You cut in line? "Que pena". You forget to do something? "Que pena". It's kind of a go-to word in every uncomfortable situation. I guess it is kind of like "excuse me". So on this trip, Stefan proposed seeing how far the line could be pushed. What is the worst you can do where "que pena" still covers the blunder? Walk up to someone, hold their hand, exclaim "Que pena!", then walk away. No biggie. A lady on the bus has uncontrollable hair so you snip a little off, "Que pena but your hair was bothering me." Shrug it off. We curiously thought over millions of scenarios and came to no conclusion. I guess it will always work, "Que pena."

#8 Ice cream: I ate ice cream every single day on this trip. Not always amazing ice cream, but ice cream none-the-less. One night we stopped at this ice cream shop that one of my students had recommended. She had told me it was, "THE BEST ICE CREAM EVER." (yes, the girl was yelling it when she told me...and she was standing 2 feet away. ha!) So, it had to be good, right? Wrong. It was mediocre at best and quite expensive. What a let down. We sulked out of the shop and continued on our walk. Woah. The next door down: Italian gelado! No way. It looked infinity better than the paleta we had just eating. So we did it. We headed in and got a second dessert. Probably not the most health-conscious decision, but a great decision nonetheless.

#9 Hammocks: The 3 of us girls had gone up to our hammock-hut shortly before Stefan meandered up there. He was hitting it up with the ladies and we were ready for bed. He was to sleep in the hammock next to mine. My sleep was awful. Twist, turn, shiver, twist, shiver, turn, shiver, shiver, shiver. You get the point. We were right on the ocean and the "nice breeze" was not so nice when trying to sleep. I remember waking up and being miserable. I peaked over my hammock and saw Stefan had arrived into his hammock. Sweet. It had to have been about 3 AM. Only 2 hours before we'd see the sun peaking up bringing the heat with it. I could handle this until then. I heard him shifting a little bit, so I tested my luck whispering, "Stefan? Are you awake." He rasped back, "Yeah. What's up?" "What time is it? I'm dying." "11:30." "What?! Are you kidding me?!" A great disappointment sunk in. I now had over 5 hours to fight my hammock for a little shut-eye. Quite a memorable night.

#10: The people I was with. A simple statement for my number 10.